Hello everyone :)
Today's post is going to be a little different again as it centres on this article I read today on the front of the West Australian Newspaper.
Basically in short this article talks about how praising children to boost self-esteem is setting them up for failure and disappointment as kids need 'tough love'.
This really hit home with me as my Mothers parents, my grandparents, are on the extreme end of this view, which is only high achievement and I mean high may be rewarded and acknowledged.
I know personally from watching my Mother and learning from her that ones view of themselves in this world is extremely important.
If one is told every day that they are useless, worthless and nothing these words become engrained into them and they believe it as so. If someone is told they are beautiful, smart and worthy every day the same occurs. If a child is told they are great at something, and then dismal at something else, isn't that setting the child up for failure.
I just do not understand this 'tough love' logic. Basically I am terrible at Maths and I no this and I am fairly decent at English, however, because I no I am terrible at maths I will not even bother trying. This is engrained into me through schooling, that if you aren't good at something well focus on what you are good at. Which yes is fairly true and can end in high achievements, although if I am told I am not good at something I already no I am going to fail.
This applies with the 'tough love' philosophy My Mother was barely ever praised for anything she achieved, be it graduating high school, getting a full time job and becoming a Mother. This in turn lead to depleted self-worth, self-esteem and love for ones self. My Mother never being praised for her achievements and only being recognised for her failures resulted in her low self esteem, which was perpetuated by her parents.
Low-self esteem can be the fore-front of many mental and emotional problems, including depression, anxiety, OCD, drug addiction, alcoholism and the list goes on...
So basically what I am trying to get at is that if the schooling system believes that telling kids they are rubbish at something will result in them trying harder and being realistic about life, well it will also result in a lack of creativity, imagination, love of self, acceptance and self-esteem.
These kids will be limited to only what they are good at and therefore what they fail at isn't worth trying to achieve. Tell the kids good job you are getting there and praise them and maybe just maybe they will keep trying and finally get there.
Let me no if you agree or disagree :)
Maddi xoxo
Here is the article:
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/wa/17319358/students-to-learn-about-failure/
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
LUSH Ocean Salt Facial Scrub!
Hello everyone :)
Todays post is going to be a review on the Lush facial scrub ocean salt.
Scent- This scrub smells incredible!!! It smells exactly how it is described, of coconuts, lime and vodka. It is zesty and invigorating! The two perfect words to describe this scrub.
Texture- The texture of the scrub is very harsh so I do not recommend using this every day, possibly every second day or so. There are large ocean salts mixed with grinded smaller salts making it quite abrasive. I really love this though because it removes all of the dead skin cells and leaves the skin feeling baby smooth.
How well does it work- This scrub works really well at removing dead skin cells and dry skin, however, I would not recommend this product as a make-up remover. It works much better without make-up on the skin. The scrub has avocado in it so it makes your skin feel very smooth and moisterised after, while the limes and vodka leave you totally refreshed :) I would use this scrub after cleansing and removing make-up and before toning. You only need a little bit as it goes a long way and also be gentle when massaging as you don't want to irritate or damage your skin with the sea salt.
Overall, I would rate this product a 9.5/10. The only reason I am not giving it a 10 is because it would have been great to use it as a make-up remover as well. But otherwise its amazing and I definitely recommend!!!!
Make sure you mix the pot when you get it to mix around all of the different sized salts.
Speak soon lovelies :)
Maddi
xoxo
Todays post is going to be a review on the Lush facial scrub ocean salt.
Scent- This scrub smells incredible!!! It smells exactly how it is described, of coconuts, lime and vodka. It is zesty and invigorating! The two perfect words to describe this scrub.
Texture- The texture of the scrub is very harsh so I do not recommend using this every day, possibly every second day or so. There are large ocean salts mixed with grinded smaller salts making it quite abrasive. I really love this though because it removes all of the dead skin cells and leaves the skin feeling baby smooth.
How well does it work- This scrub works really well at removing dead skin cells and dry skin, however, I would not recommend this product as a make-up remover. It works much better without make-up on the skin. The scrub has avocado in it so it makes your skin feel very smooth and moisterised after, while the limes and vodka leave you totally refreshed :) I would use this scrub after cleansing and removing make-up and before toning. You only need a little bit as it goes a long way and also be gentle when massaging as you don't want to irritate or damage your skin with the sea salt.
Overall, I would rate this product a 9.5/10. The only reason I am not giving it a 10 is because it would have been great to use it as a make-up remover as well. But otherwise its amazing and I definitely recommend!!!!
Make sure you mix the pot when you get it to mix around all of the different sized salts.
Speak soon lovelies :)
Maddi
xoxo
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Positivity! How to manage anxiety :)
Hi Guys!
Sorry I haven't posted in forever! Been super busy with life in general, University, work and so on.
Today's post is not going to be beauty related, however it's going to be a little more personal.
I wanted to write this post to help other people, as I am gradually working out that one of my passions is to help others.
Basically I am a sufferer of anxiety. Since I was a child I have suffered from 'health' anxiety, which is the fear of having something wrong with me, either physically or mentally. For most of my life I have managed my anxiety very well and it only comes in bouts when I am stressed or around that time of the month. Recently though I have had a few anxious moments that have been a cause for concern and have made me reevaluate my anxiety and coping techniques. For years I have coped very well with stress and anxiety, but recently things got a little overwhelming for me and I had a panic attack. My panic attack was mild compared to some, but I had all those typical symptoms, sweaty palms, shaky hands, derealization, hot sweats and numbness in hands and feet and hyperventilation. It lasted all of five minutes but it was a real wake up call for me. My panic attacks are triggered by excessive worry and I was extremely worried about a recent health scare that tipped my stress levels over the top. After this peak of anxiety I felt my body really paid the price and my anxiety levels were very high for many days after, leaving me physically and mentally exhausted.
My anxiety peaks just before my period during PMS. I have always suffered from PMS but due to my anxiety levels being high my PMS has been worse. I get extremely emotional, moody, teary, angry, irritable and anxious. I also get really bad OCD which causes more anxiety. All these symptoms leave me depressed and disheartened. But you always have to remember that anxiety passes.
The way I have in the past coped with anxiety is to always remain positive. I no how hard it is to get out of that constant negative mind set, to constantly be self-doubting and getting angry at yourself for being anxious when you know your rational mind knows nothing is wrong.
But the worst thing you can do for yourself is to kick yourself when you are already down. You need to bring yourself back up again, it is essential to learning to manage your anxiety.
Once you can accept your anxiety, your flaws and that you are not perfect it becomes so much easier to manage anxiety because you realise it is not an enemy, it is apart of you that you have to learn to love.
'Love yourself, warts and all', is one of my favorite quotes, and to be honest if you can't love yourself you can't expect anyone else to either.
Another tip I have is use anxiety as a tool. Without my anxiety I am an extremely lazy person. Anxiety makes me go for a run, finish that assignment I keep procrastinating and clean my room. It is my friend and helps me in more cases than not.
Here are some methods I use to cope and manage high times of stress and anxiety:
Sorry I haven't posted in forever! Been super busy with life in general, University, work and so on.
Today's post is not going to be beauty related, however it's going to be a little more personal.
I wanted to write this post to help other people, as I am gradually working out that one of my passions is to help others.
Basically I am a sufferer of anxiety. Since I was a child I have suffered from 'health' anxiety, which is the fear of having something wrong with me, either physically or mentally. For most of my life I have managed my anxiety very well and it only comes in bouts when I am stressed or around that time of the month. Recently though I have had a few anxious moments that have been a cause for concern and have made me reevaluate my anxiety and coping techniques. For years I have coped very well with stress and anxiety, but recently things got a little overwhelming for me and I had a panic attack. My panic attack was mild compared to some, but I had all those typical symptoms, sweaty palms, shaky hands, derealization, hot sweats and numbness in hands and feet and hyperventilation. It lasted all of five minutes but it was a real wake up call for me. My panic attacks are triggered by excessive worry and I was extremely worried about a recent health scare that tipped my stress levels over the top. After this peak of anxiety I felt my body really paid the price and my anxiety levels were very high for many days after, leaving me physically and mentally exhausted.
My anxiety peaks just before my period during PMS. I have always suffered from PMS but due to my anxiety levels being high my PMS has been worse. I get extremely emotional, moody, teary, angry, irritable and anxious. I also get really bad OCD which causes more anxiety. All these symptoms leave me depressed and disheartened. But you always have to remember that anxiety passes.
The way I have in the past coped with anxiety is to always remain positive. I no how hard it is to get out of that constant negative mind set, to constantly be self-doubting and getting angry at yourself for being anxious when you know your rational mind knows nothing is wrong.
But the worst thing you can do for yourself is to kick yourself when you are already down. You need to bring yourself back up again, it is essential to learning to manage your anxiety.
Once you can accept your anxiety, your flaws and that you are not perfect it becomes so much easier to manage anxiety because you realise it is not an enemy, it is apart of you that you have to learn to love.
'Love yourself, warts and all', is one of my favorite quotes, and to be honest if you can't love yourself you can't expect anyone else to either.
Another tip I have is use anxiety as a tool. Without my anxiety I am an extremely lazy person. Anxiety makes me go for a run, finish that assignment I keep procrastinating and clean my room. It is my friend and helps me in more cases than not.
Here are some methods I use to cope and manage high times of stress and anxiety:
- Eat Healthy- This is a no-brainer, healthy mind equals healthy body. You can treat yourself also. Chocolate is a natural feel good food.
- Cut Caffeine- I use to drink a cup of coffee a day, sometimes two and now I dont drink caffeine anymore. This includes coke, pepsi etc. This has drastically reduced my anxiety as alot of the times I felt wired and angst was when I had a cup of coffee. Anxiety sufferers are very sensitive to stimulants such as Caffeine.
- Exercise- I am soo lazy and rarely exercise, but when I am having an anxious time during PMS I will go for a run. Even though I can feel a little panicky after as my heart rate is high, in turn the long term effects are essential as exercise releases feel good hormones, uses up nervous tension and over all you feel as if you have achieved something.
- Supplements- I take Vitamin B tablets around 3-4 times a week, as well as Magnesium during PMS as well as fish oil (when I remember). These are essential to a healthy nervous system and brain functioning and I can tell you I feel so much more energetic and clear minded after taking these.
- Calcium- Every night before I go to bed I have a warm glass of milk. Calcium is essential for girls who suffer from anxiety during PMS. Milk is not just soothing but calcium is lacking during this time and is needed for the body to function properly.
- Sleep and rest- Anxiety is 100 times worse if you have not slept properly, had little sleep and have not rested. Get adequate sleep and rest and trust me it will make the biggest difference. If you have trouble sleeping try reading before bed or a having a warm glass of milk.
- Distractions- Sitting and pondering over my anxiety is one of my biggest problems that I am still over coming. This worry is what causes my anxiety in the first place and the key to ridding myself of anxiety is to stop worrying. The best way to stop and prevent worrying for worryings sake is to go out and do something. Whether it be going for a walk, run, seeing a friend, reading a book, talking to your family, pets, watching your favorite TV show or shopping. Just do the stuff that makes you happy :)
- Remaining Positive- Sometimes when I have had terrible anxiety and the doom clouds come over my head and I feel utterly down, no matter what I will try my best to pick myself up from it with positivity. One of my favorite quotes is 'negative thoughts breed negative people and positive thoughts breed positive people'. This is completely true. If you think negatively, negative things will happen to you and if you think positive you will become a positive person. Luckily I have always been an upbeat happy person and therefore it is fairly easy for me to see positivity, however if you struggle a tip I have is pretend you are positive and upbeat, pretend all is well and you are happy as larry, keep smiling and pretending for a week, a month, how ever long it takes and gradually your brain chemistry will change and your brain will begin to think this is normal and that negativity is abnormal. It is like having a fake smile on, after a while it becomes authentic without you even realising.
- Don't beat yourself down- Lets say you have had a great day and been anxiety free and then the next day you have an anxious day and feel the past day was a complete waste and you are back to square one. I have felt this feeling and although annoying I have moved past it. The way I moved past this was with this quote "Yesterday does not define you, tomorrow does not define you, only you can define yourself in the present moment". This quote really empowered me. It basically sums up that your attitude to life and what you decide to be when you wake up in the morning dictates and defines you and no one else or no circumstance can define you otherwise. If I woke up every morning and said today is going to be terrible and I am going to be stress head anxious mess then I will most likely be that, but If i wake up and say today I am going to be happy, positive and stress free then it will happen because my attitude is defined by that. If you constantly look at the past and judge your actions from that, like I can't believe I had a panic attack in public two weeks ago I have something wrong with me, or I can't believe I suffer from anxiety, or look into the future and think what if I have another panic attack, or what if I get a disease then of course you will get anxious. If you take every day as a new fresh day and even if you do get the pang of anxiousness then think ok well right now im feeling anxious but I have also had a great day and I am feeling over all good, you have defined yourself in the present. My top tip is stop looking at the past and the future and just live in the now!! And don't beat yourself down if you have a bad day, every one has bad days and they make the good days that much sweeter :)
- Faith- I am a Christian, but I do not practice christianity. However, something that really helps me is just having faith and knowing that someone out there is looking over me and always has my best interest at heart. Even praying is great to get stuff of your chest and just feel better.
- Journalling and talking!- I cannot stress this enough, but talk to someone! Either your friends, mum, dad, pet, a therapist, God! Just anyone! It is so important to get your stresses and worries of your chest and not let them eat up at you. Also journalling is really good to get stuff off your mind and onto paper. It helps you rationalise your thoughts and have them of your chest.
- Love yourself- Lastly, and this is soooo important, love yourself! Anxiety is your mind trying to protect you, it is not your mind out to get you, its their to help you, hence flight or fight mode. Stop fighting with yourself and just accept. Acceptance is key. You are beautiful and your body and mind is an amazing wondrous thing. I am fortunate that my self-esteem has always been very good and that even when my anxiety is high I never punish myself, yes there have been times when I'm angry for worrying for no reason but I never bring myself down with self-harming negative thoughts. A good tip is to look in the mirror and every day tell yourself 'i love you', 'you are amazing', 'you are beautiful' and gradually you will begin to believe it. Have you time. This could be pamper nights where you have a bath, a facial, shave your legs etc or watch a movie by yourself with a packet of pods. Take time to appreciate yourself and all that you do.
A few of my favorite affirmations and quotes :)
'Don't worry, be happy'
'I trust in life's processes'
'Love yourself'
'Be true to yourself'
'This too shall pass'
'Everything happens for a reason'
'You can look at the past but don't stare'
'Worrying is like a rocking chair, it's something to do but gets you no where'
'Stay positive'
And don't worry, everything gets better. And when you are having times of anxiousness just remember to trust in yourself, your mind and body and know that you are strong and capable of over coming anything.
Hope this has helped at least one person :)
Love Maddi xoxo
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